Icicle
by Anna Maria
Summary: Femmeslash (Lily/Mrs. Lestrange). It's not as dark as you might expect. Set in the spring of 1977.


_Warning: While the R rating is mainly for language, be advised that this story contains femmeslash. That is, there are references to homosexuality of the girl/girl variety. If that is a problem for you, please don't read any further._

Dedicated to Mieko Belle, for inadvertently giving me the plot bunny and for being my first-ever reviewer. And for just generally being a cool person and great writer.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

** Friday, 19 February 1982, 9:30am, Chamber of the Council of Magical Law, Diagon Alley, London **

The woman with the heavy-lidded eyes looked up at Crouch and called, "The Dark Lord will rise again, Crouch! Throw us into Azkaban, we will wait! He will rise again and will come for us, he will reward us beyond any of his other supporters! We alone were faithful! We alone tried to find him!"__

~

Saturday, 19 February 1977, 10pm, Slytherin dungeons, Hogwarts 

"You know, Lil, I do think you should keep that robe. It really shows off your figure."

Lily Evans flushed and turned hesitantly, gazing into the ornate gold mirror on the wall. "You think so?"

"Sure. Or anyway, _I_ do. If you don't want to take my word for it, I'm sure we could get some of the boys in here to give their opinions."

"No." Lily reddened even more. Her face was starting to match her hair. It was charming, in a way. "No, I'll take your word for it."

Natasha smiled at her. "Good." She rose from her perch on the desk chair, picked up her Siamese cat, Levka, and sat on the bed facing Lily. Her smile didn't waver. Natasha's room had exactly one small window, high on the wall above Lily's head where she stood, and snow was falling slowly outside. It complemented Lily, with her vivid red hair and emerald green robe, rather well.

Lily had been rooted to her spot in front of the mirror for several minutes, though, and looked like she was starting to get uncomfortable. "So –"

"So." Natasha interrupted her gently. "Going to stay all the way on the other side of the room?" She stroked Levka idly as he arranged himself on her lap.

"No." Lily looked at her feet and brushed an imaginary stray hair out of her face. The robe she was wearing was one that Natasha had bought for her that day in the Gladrags shop in Hogsmeade, a robe that would certainly not be allowed anywhere in Hogwarts beyond the privacy of Natasha's room. It clung to Lily like a second skin, showing off every curve, and the rich colour made her eyes, already her most striking feature, absolutely glisten. Her face too had a healthy glow born from years of well-balanced meals, Quidditch practices, and cheerful afternoons with friends. It was quite evident to Natasha, as she watched Lily awkwardly approach the bed, that the younger girl had absolutely no idea how good she looked. Of all the Gryffindor girls she'd known, Natasha had never met one who knew how to take care of herself properly.

Lily sat on the bed next to Natasha, leaving about two feet of empty space between them. She darted her eyes nervously around the room, looking at Levka, at Natasha's wardrobe, at the snow falling against the windowpane, anywhere but at the other girl. "So –"

"You said that already, hon." Natasha smiled again and reached out to take Lily's hand. "You know, you don't need to be nervous."

"I'm not nervous." Lily tried, and failed, to meet Natasha's gaze. "I'm just – it's weird, that's all."

"What's weird?" Natasha carefully intertwined her fingers with Lily's and felt her shiver slightly. Levka sensed the tension and wandered to a far corner of the bed where he might be able to sleep undisturbed.

"I don't know." Lily was almost whispering now. 

"Do you not want to be here?" Natasha kept her eyes fixed on Lily's face and her voice muted, soothing. "Because it's okay. You can leave. I won't be angry."

"No! I just –" Lily sighed and again tried to fix her already-perfect hair. "I don't know."

"Shh." Natasha leaned toward her and cupped her cheek in her hand. "It's okay. Don't worry."

"I'm not –" Lily started to protest, but Natasha laid a finger against her lips.

"Shh," she said again, and slipped her hand to the back of Lily's neck, sliding her fingers into the thick red hair. She didn't need to say anything else. Lily closed her eyes and tilted her head forward just a little, and that was all the invitation Natasha needed. She kissed her, and Lily kissed her back, and the end result was that the expensive new robes wound up with a very noticeable rip. Between the two of them, though, the girls managed to charm-mend it, good as new.

~

Sunday, 20 February 1977, 1:30am, Slytherin dungeons, Hogwarts 

"Any progress?" Graham Avery glanced up from his parchment and regarded her brusquely. He didn't invite her in, so she stood in the doorframe and glanced down at his desk. He was working on the lists, as usual. For a moment, she marvelled that neither she nor any of the other seventh-year Slytherins had started studying for NEWTs yet, even though they were only four months off. They always seemed to have more important things to do with their time lately.

"Yes. It's working," she replied.

"You've slept with her?"

"Yes. Three times, now, since you're so interested. Want me to draw you a diagram?"

"Would you?" He smirked at her.

"Not without a substantial bribe and a written request from the Dark Lord."

"Might be able to pull that one off, actually. Does Malfoy qualify?"

"No."

"Then don't bother." He retrieved his quill from the inkpot and crossed out something on the list. Natasha looked around the room while she waited for him to go on. It was the biggest in the dungeon, of course, with a big picture window on one wall. His room was the only one in Slytherin that was mostly above-ground. Natasha might have been jealous if she cared about such things. Through the window she could see that the snow was falling faster now, and starting to mix with sleet. 

"She's coming around, then?" he asked, all business again.

"She will. Only a matter of time." 

"We don't have much time."

"We have enough. It won't take that long, not for her. She's astonishingly needy."

"Gryffindor girls always are." He snickered. "Don't waste too much time on her. Malfoy wants you to start on the other one, too."

Natasha let out a noticeably irritated sigh. "Can't someone else take care of that, please? I'm busy enough as it is, with this one plus the Hufflepuff recruitment drive."

"At least Lupin's not a Mudblood."

"Better a Mudblood than a freak."

"Debatable, but I'll let that go. Any suggestions as to who else could take care of the freak, then?"

"Severus comes to mind."

Graham laughed. "Very funny."

"Laugh all you want, but sooner or later someone's going to start wondering why I'm going off with all these sixth-year boys. A sixth-year girl is one thing, but –"

Graham cut her off. "Look. I know you prefer the redheads, but we can't spend all our time on the cushy assignments."

"But I'm good at the cushy assignments."

"I know you are." He smiled at her briefly, then started writing again. She got the hint and turned to go.

"See you tomorrow." She unbolted the door. 

"I'm serious, by the way," he said, and she turned back. His smile was gone. "You need to start working on Lupin."

"To be frank, Graham, I don't think the freak even likes girls."

"Well it's your job to help him see the light then, isn't it?"

She sighed again. "Good night, Graham."

"You've got forty-eight hours to get started, Natasha. Good night."

She shut the door behind her, fighting the impulse to slam it, and strode purposefully back to her room. She needed to be there in case Lily woke up.

~

_Wednesday, 2 March 1977, 12:30pm, Great Hall, Hogwarts_

Lily was watching her from across the Hall. It was rather amusing. She was trying to be subtle and failing spectacularly. Natasha smiled back at her and popped a fried potato into her mouth, and Lily blushed. Sometimes it was really too easy.

"Not to disturb the little lesbian love-fest, but are there any potatoes left over there?" Martin Lestrange, as usual, was sitting next to her, wolfing down a huge piece of roast chicken.

Natasha broke Lily's gaze and turned to look at him, letting the annoyance show on her face. "Would you please keep your fucking voice down?" she hissed. 

"It's not like there's anyone around here who doesn't know," he said, shrugging and stepping over her to grab the potatoes. He was right. Only the other Council members were within earshot. The rest of the Slytherins always gave them a wide berth. "By the way, I think the freak is trying to get your attention," he added.

She glanced back at the Gryffindor table. Sure enough, Lupin was staring at her from his seat, a few spaces down from Lily. His expression showed a blend of apprehension and run-of-the-mill sixteen-year-old-boy hormones. Natasha struggled not to roll her eyes. Gay or straight, they were all the same, really. She looked at Lily and smiled. Let the freak think she was smiling at him. 

"You're not still bothering with the Mudblood, are you?" Martin again. Sometimes Natasha wondered how deficient his own life must be, the way he was always prying into hers.

"I don't see that it's any business of yours." 

"Well, I just thought Avery'd said it was supposed to be over by now."

"We got a two-week extension from Lucius. She's taking longer than we expected."

Martin nodded and bit off another large piece of chicken as he talked. Natasha watched him chew and tried not to grimace too obviously, in case Lily was watching. "Hey, I'm not complaining," he slurred through his mouthful of meat. "She's not bad looking, for a Mudblood. Any time you two want to pay me a visit, the door's always open."

Natasha shot him a disgusted look, then decided she didn't care enough to argue with him. She turned back to Lily, but she wasn't looking over at the Slytherin table anymore. Potter was telling a joke, and Lily and some of her little Gryffindor friends were laughing at him. Typical. Natasha wondered, not for the first time, if the Gryffindors were at all aware of their own insipidness. She'd never met one who had anything interesting to say. Well, except Lily. And maybe Black.

The freak was still gaping at her, but she didn't bother looking back. She kept her eyes on Potter and Lily. He seemed to have reached the punch line of his joke. The girls all erupted into loud peals of laughter, and he laid a hand on Lily's arm. He removed it a second later, but it was enough. Lily blushed, and, to Natasha's revulsion, _smiled_. She waited. A few seconds later, as she'd known would happen, Lily glanced back at the Slytherin table. Natasha's eyes were still fixed on Lily, and she offered the other girl a cold, knowing smile. Lily stopped laughing instantly. She dropped her eyes and suddenly became very engrossed in her dessert. Natasha kept her eyes on her for the rest of the meal, and when Potter and Black stood up to go, she saw Lily decline their invitation without looking up at them.

~

_Monday, 7 March 1977, 12:30am, Charms classroom, Hogwarts_

She tasted blood. Something was wrong.

"Hey." A soft voice. Someone else was with her. "You okay?"

It was her blood. She'd bitten her own hand. Bitten it hard enough to break through the skin. Christ.

"Natasha …" That same voice again, right against her ear this time. Slowly, she opened her eyes and drew her hand away from her mouth. The light in the room was dim, but it still hurt her eyes, and it was a minute or two before she realised who was speaking.

"Lily." 

The other girl looked at her apprehensively. She was lying on her side with her head delicately propped up on her hand. Her hair was dishevelled, but it still framed her face prettily, and she was smiling. "Yeah." She reached out a hand to run her fingers lightly over Natasha's arm. "You can relax now."

"Oh." Natasha looked down and saw that she was clutching the bunched up folds of her skirt tightly in her other hand, the one that wasn't bleeding. "Right." She let go. 

They were in the Charms classroom, she realised. It was a little uncouth by Natasha's standards. She usually preferred her room – she'd had a private room since her fifth year, Professor Dolohov had seen to that – or at the very least a few carefully-charmed wards in the Prefects' bathroom. She and Lily had evidently gotten carried away. The only light came from a few candles that Lily must have lit in the past few minutes, since Natasha was fairly certain they hadn't paused to light them on their way in. How long had she been out?  
"Did I fall asleep?" She hated having to ask, but it seemed important.

"No. You just passed out for a minute or so. I'm choosing to take it as a compliment until you tell me otherwise." She was grinning. Usually Natasha hated it when people grinned after sex, but it suited Lily somehow.

"Right." Natasha noticed, to her rapidly increasing discomfort, that she was breathing irregularly. 

"So … is it? A compliment?" Lily was still smiling, but she was starting to look a little less confident. 

Natasha closed her eyes and struggled to regain control over her breathing. She tried to compose an appropriate response. It shouldn't be difficult. She had several speeches prepared for such moments; she just had to draw the correct one for this scenario. Let's see, she thought, Mudblood in the Charms classroom, come on, easy enough … 

Oh, fuck it.

"Lily. Come here." She reached out her hand, not caring that it was still shaking slightly, and brushed Lily's hair out of her face. Lily didn't move, though. She still looked timid. So Natasha sat up and looked straight at her.

"Yes. Lily, I can't even begin to tell you …" And she couldn't. So she just kissed her. And Lily kissed her back, and something was different, and it was something Natasha couldn't quite name, and it scared her. 

~

_Saturday, 12 March 1977, 4pm, Quidditch pitch, Hogwarts_

The temperature was well below freezing. Rain, mixed liberally with sleet, pounded down on them. Natasha sat next to Graham, a green-and-silver scarf tied snugly around her neck. She wasn't thinking about the weather, though. She was used to the cold.

"Ten points to Gryffindor!" Denise Hooch, a Ravenclaw fourth-year, shouted through the sound projection charm. The Gryffindor stands opposite them erupted into loud yelps. Natasha was amazed that they hadn't lost their voices yet. The Gryffindor Chasers seemed to score a goal every few minutes. Potter was soaring above the pitch, waving his fist in triumph. Natasha glared at him, wishing someone would tell him how ridiculous he looked.

Lily seemed less enthused. She'd spent most of the game flying high above the action, watching futilely for the Snitch. She was the only one bothering. The audience only had eyes for Potter, and the Slytherin Seeker, Severus Snape, was busy watching Lily. Every so often, Natasha would look up to glare at him, too.

"Fucking miserable," Graham muttered next to her. "Fucking waste of time. There are other things we should be doing right now."

"You know it would look strange if we weren't here." Natasha was only half-listening, and her tone was absent. Lily completed a swooping arc around the Gryffindor goalposts in an attempt to keep Severus from tailing her. It didn't work.

"Who gives a shit? No one pays attention anymore."

"_They_ do." Lily had stopped the arc manoeuvre and was once again flying in slow circles, peering around the pitch. Natasha tilted her head in the direction of the Gryffindor stands to where Black, the freak, and their little fat friend were cheering loudly for Potter. "_They'd_ notice, and be off talking to Potter about it straight away, and then as soon as the game was done he'd be scurrying about asking questions, and it's not worth it."

Graham gave her a steady look. "I'm aware of that. Which is why I came to the match in the first place. Doesn't mean I can't complain about it. And I don't need you nagging me about everything I say."

"Right." Natasha wasn't interested in this conversation. She watched Lily drift around above the field and wondered why they even bothered to release the Snitch during Gryffindor games. It went against tradition, this style of play. The Seekers were supposed to be the star players, but all anyone at Hogwarts cared about was The Great James Potter. Rumour had it that professional Quidditch teams were already coming to matches and trying to recruit him. Idiots.

"Another ten points to Gryffindor!" The Slytherin Chasers looked as if they had all but given up. Martin and the others were glaring at Potter, ignoring the rest of the game. 

Natasha glanced down to adjust her scarf. Just then, the stands around her erupted into groans. She looked up in time to see Lily soaring toward the ground, the Snitch clutched firmly in her hand and a wide grin plastered on her face. The Gryffindors on the front row jumped up and down and unfurled a huge banner with a blinking red-and-gold Gryffindor crest. Natasha rolled her eyes. The things to which these people devoted their energy.

"Gryffindor wins!" Hooch shouted, and the roar from across the pitch grew even more deafening. The Gryffindor team gathered around Lily, whooping and cheering. Potter clapped her on the back and grinned at her. Natasha narrowed her eyes.

"And Gryffindor defeats Slytherin three hundred sixty points to ninety!" Hooch bellowed over the din. "Gryffindor still holds a solid lead in the race for the Quidditch Cup!"

"Why do we even bother," she heard Graham mutter next to her. "It's a fucking disgrace." 

"Yeah," she replied. She watched Potter sling an arm around Lily's waist as they walked off the pitch. "Fucking disgrace."

~

_Monday, 14 March 1977, 1am, Slytherin dungeons, Hogwarts_

"Natasha?"

"Hmm?" She'd been asleep. She nestled her face into Lily's neck and wished she still were. "What?"

"I have a question."

"Hmm?" Get to the point, Lily, sweetheart, she wanted to say, but bit her tongue. Her arm itched, and she reached to scratch it without thinking. Shit. The cosmetic charms that covered the mark were starting to fade. She'd have to hide her arm from Lily until could re-charm it. Stupid.

"Do you, you know, do you like boys at all?"

Just what she needed. Natasha fought to rouse herself. "Why do you ask?"

Lily looked down, and Natasha propped herself up on her elbow to face her. She was blushing again. That girl was always one shade of red or another. "I heard this rumour."

"What rumour?"

"About you and Martin Lestrange."

"Oh." Natasha rubbed her eyes, yawning. "Well. That was probably true. He was my boyfriend for a while there." And still was, he would argue, but she didn't care to elaborate. Levka, who had been curled up at the foot of the bed, got up and glared at the girls for disturbing his rest. 

"Oh." Lily seemed slightly upset at this news. "I was kind of hoping that one was bullshit."

Natasha made a mental note to ask her father what _bullshit meant. He was always eager to explain aspects of Mudblood culture to her. She snapped her fingers. Levka came to sit beside her and consented to being stroked, though he still looked grumpy._

Lily ignored the cat and kept firing off questions. "And what about you and Sirius?" 

Natasha was fully awake now. "Black? What about him?"

"James told me that you and Sirius – well."

That bastard. "James Potter doesn't know what the fuck he's talking about." Fortunately, Natasha caught herself before she could get any further with that train of thought. "I mean, there was never anything between me and Sirius Black, and I don't like the thought of people saying there was. I don't even know him."

"Well, Sirius is James' best friend, and –"

Natasha caught Lily's chin in her hand and forced the other girl to face her. This time, Lily met her eyes. "Lily," she said, her voice gentle but firm, "are you saying you don't trust me?"

"No," Lily said softly, and not as vehemently as Natasha would have preferred. "It's just – I don't know, this is all so overwhelming, and I don't –"

"Hey." Natasha met her hushed tone. "I know. It's new to me, too."

"It is?" Lily almost gasped. Natasha smiled at her.

"Yes." It was even sort of true.

"I didn't know that." Lily frowned. "You just seem so much more – I don't know, experienced."

 "That's just because I'm older than you."

"Not that much older."

"It's enough. Sixteen, eighteen, it's a significant difference."

"Well, still." Lily sighed. "I've never even had a real boyfriend, let alone a girlfriend."

Natasha smiled again, then hoped the dim lighting would hide it. "Is that what you think we are? Girlfriends?"

"Oh –" Lily stammered. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean – well – what do you think?" Her voice suddenly got very small.

Natasha didn't answer her. She just smiled, even though she knew Lily couldn't see it. She sat up, leaned over her, and placed her hands on the pillow, one on each side of Lily's head. She straddled her and felt Lily's hands sliding to rest on her hips. That girl had certainly gained some self-confidence over the last few weeks. 

"Well?" Lily said, her resolve clearly weakening. 

"Well," Natasha replied. She leaned in to nip at Lily's neck, and the conversation ended there. Levka mewed at them angrily for a while, then gave up and jumped down to sleep on the rug.

~

_Friday, 18 March 1977, 11pm, Slytherin dungeons, Hogwarts_

"So what's Lupin's story?"

They were gathered in Graham's room again. The seven Council members. Graham, Natasha, Martin, Severus, Evan Rosier, Walden Macnair, Philip Wilkes. Natasha leaned back against the bed, ignoring the looks Martin and Walden were sending her, and faced Graham as she answered.

"Nothing. I told you. He's just a freak. He doesn't know anything." She bit the head off a chocolate frog from the box at her feet. Natasha was tired. She'd hurried back for the meeting following an especially gruelling Prefect duty shift. She'd been supervising a couple of first-years who had detention out in the gardens, and she was still adjusting to the relative warmth of the dungeon. The snow and sleet that had fallen over the past week had hardened into a thick sheet of ice that coated the grounds around the castle, and her warming charms had proven useless. She'd had to carefully pick her way across the ice on her way back while the first-years followed at a respectful distance. It had been a long day on top of that, with an Arithmancy exam in the morning and two Hufflepuffs in the afternoon, and she just wanted to go to bed. Preferably not alone.

Graham was still checking off questions on his list, though, and there was nothing she could do until the meeting was finished. "Is he an effective way to get to Potter?"

"Effective enough, but Black is better for that."

A muffled snort came from Severus' direction. Graham ignored it. "True, but Lupin might be easier to handle."

Natasha swallowed the last of her chocolate frog. "Probably."

Evan interrupted her. "What about the Mudblood?" 

Everyone ignored him. Evan was only a fifth-year, but he still should have learned by now that they weren't supposed to talk during the inquiries until directly addressed. But Graham didn't reprimand him, so Natasha just rolled her eyes and answered, careful to keep her tone steady and look Graham straight in the eye. "The Mudblood's useless. She barely knows him." 

Severus, sitting on the floor, lifted a finger. Graham nodded for him to go ahead. He sounded a little nervous. "If I may, they certainly seem to know each other. She's always prattling on to him during Potions."

Natasha shrugged and maintained her nonchalant expression. "Schoolgirl crush. He doesn't give a shit about her." She couldn't tell if Graham believed her. If not, he didn't show it.

"Could we bring her in anyway?" he asked.

"We could, but it'd be pointless. Besides being useless, she's an idiot. Typical Mudblood. She'd probably get in our way more than anything else."

"Really." It wasn't a question. Graham's eyes were still fixed on the checklist in his hand, but she could tell he wasn't looking at it anymore. She'd gone too far. He didn't believe her. Shit. _Shit._

Martin cleared his throat, and at Graham's nod, spoke up. "Now that we've established how Natasha's – er – _projects_ are going, can we move on?"

Graham sounded bored. "Fine. You have something to add?" 

While Martin and Philip prattled on about the Hufflepuff recruitment campaign, Natasha watched Graham. His eyes never left the scattered notes and parchments on his desk, but she could tell he wasn't thinking about the Hufflepuffs. He knew she was lying. He was just waiting for the right moment to call her on it. Shit. This wasn't worth it. Fucking Mudbloods.

It was the first time Natasha had ever lied in a Council meeting. It could have been worse, she told herself, as she watched the others and worked to maintain her composure. In her fifth year Lucius Malfoy had been head of the Council, before he'd left Hogwarts and started working full-time for the Dark Lord. When Lucius caught someone in a lie, he'd pull out his wand and cast a minute or two of Cruciatus then and there. Graham – he was more efficient. He'd just wait a while, then send you to the Master for punishment without bothering to question or torture you first. 

He didn't look at her for the rest of the session. The others delivered their reports. Martin and Philip finished detailing last week's numbers from the Hufflepuff campaign. Severus babbled about some potions research he'd been doing. Evan and Walden talked at length about their experiments with the Imperius Curse on certain unsuspecting first-years, which Natasha suspected had more to do with recreation than practical applications of the curse, but she didn't say anything. When they were all done, Graham handed out the new round of assignments, and Natasha accepted hers without question. They did a quick and relatively painless group sacrament to the Dark Lord and then stood to go. The boys filed out of the room, and Martin held the door for Natasha. He looked at her expectantly.

"I'll be a minute." She closed the door in his face. Had she been less anxious she would have found his bewildered expression funny. 

"I'm not in the mood for banter right now, Natasha," Graham said as soon as they were alone. He was still bent over his desk, not looking at her.

"I don't want to banter."

"Then what do you want?"  
"I lied earlier."

"I know. Anything else?"

"It was for the others' benefit. You know I don't lie to you."

"You know what, darling, I'm not interested in your excuses. Just end it. Now."

She blinked. "What?"

"You heard me. End it. You've got exactly one chance. Fuck it up and that's it."

"Why?" The question slipped out before she had a chance to stop it. Damn it, she was supposed to be good at this kind of thing.

"I'm under no obligation to explain my decisions to you." He looked up at her for the first time. Not a glare. Just a fixed expression that was somehow much more frightening. She instinctively took a step back. "But it happens that at the moment you're the only one we've got at Hogwarts who can do what you do. And you're good at it. Or you were up until now, anyway. We can train a replacement, but frankly I don't have the time or the inclination to deal with it right now. So just go to the Mudblood, tonight, and put a stop to it. Screw up and you're done here. Now get out."

She didn't question him again. 

~

_Friday, 18 March 1977, midnight, outside Gryffindor Tower, Hogwarts_

Natasha hadn't cried since she was thirteen, and she wasn't about to do it now. She didn't care whether Lily cried or not. Lily was young. She was naïve. She could cry if she felt like it. 

None of it mattered anyway. She was going to be great one day. No Mudblood was going to fuck that up for her.

She left Lily there, outside the Gryffindor portrait hole, and walked briskly down the stairs without looking back. She didn't even notice that she passed Remus Lupin in the corridor. She was mentally composing her assignment report.

Remus did, in fact, notice her. Before he could think of something appropriate to say to her, she was gone. He considered calling after her, then concluded that his night would be a lot less stressful if he just kept walking. 

As he got closer to the portrait hole, he saw a small figure crouched next to it on the floor. His first instinct was to turn around before whoever it was saw him. Then, he recognised her.  
"Lily?"

She didn't answer. It was Lily, he was sure, but something was very wrong. Lily Evans was not the type to sit huddled and unresponsive in corridors. She was usually smiling, chatty, especially lately. He hesitated for a moment, unsure what he should do. She might need help.

"Lily? Are you all right?"

To his relief, she looked up. She seemed surprised to see him there. "Hi." 

"Hi." 

For a while he just stood there awkwardly, shifting his weight from foot to foot. At length, when she made no move to stand, he gave up and sat down on the floor beside her. There was another uncomfortable pause while he tried to think of something to say. He was about to go into the tower to look for one of the girls, one of Lily's friends, to come and help her when then she finally spoke.

"James is going to be so disappointed." 

Oh. So that was it, after all. He nodded sympathetically. "It didn't work out?"

"No. It failed wretchedly, in fact."

Remus faltered, then patted her hand. "We knew it was a long shot. Sirius already tried back in October, remember?"

"Yes, but I was so sure I could do better. Sirius isn't exactly noted for his patience, after all." She sighed heavily. "I really thought it could work. She had so much potential."

"Lil, she's in deep. Always has been. What's that saying? You can't change people?"

"Yes, you _can." Lily was adamant. "And she hasn't __always been this far gone. I'm sure of it. There's something there that I can't quite put my finger on. If we'd gotten to her sooner…"_

"It doesn't matter now." Remus tried to make his voice sound soothing, but such things did not come as easily to him as they did to other people. People like Lily. "You did your best. Everyone knows that. James knows that."

"I know." She drew a breath, then gave him a little smile. "I'm sorry you had to get involved in this thing."

He laughed. "Oh, it wasn't so bad, actually. Always glad to do my part."

She laughed too. "So I've heard."

"Just don't tell Sirius I said that, if you don't mind."

"Your secret's safe with me." She was still smiling, but Remus could see now that she was faking it. Probably for his sake. He peered closer at her and was surprised to see that there were still tears in her eyes. But Natasha was long gone. There was no need to keep up the act anymore.

"Hey," he said, feeling more awkward with every passing second, "is there – er – something else going on here? Do you want to talk about it?"

Lily shook her head. "Maybe later." She stood up and held out a hand to him. He took it, relieved that the conversation was over. 

"Come on. Let's go see what James and Sirius nicked from the house-elves this time," Lily said, and pulled him to his feet. She led him toward the portrait hole, and because she was watching him, he smiled.

###

Many thanks go to Andrew Branduff, who prodded me to finish this when I was content to let it lie in the dead fics folder on my hard drive, and who gamely critiqued draft after draft of it while he was supposed to be studying for finals. Thanks also to Silly Cleo, mlaa, Ethany Silvress, bluevanilla, Ginny Draco Potter, Juliadactyl, PhireFreak, Corvus corax, and Elenis, all of whom were kind enough to review Constellography. Smooches to you all.


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